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When you get into a relationship, you should have it at the back of your mind that there will always be ups and downs from time to time especially after the ‘honeymoon’ phase is over, that is when you will begin to see things clearly and you will be more realistic about the relationship. A relationship is not always going to be rosy. No matter how sweet or smooth your relationship is, there will be times when things may not be so smooth. Most relationships go through rough phases especially long relationships, because you have been with this person for a long time and the sparks in the relationship will no longer be there. This does not mean that the relationship has to end or that your partner does not love you any more or that they want to leave you for someone else. It is a phase that every relationship goes through and you need to take action so that it does not lead to the end of the relationship. (Read an interesting article on Reasons Why You Don’t Have to be in a Relationship to be Happy here)
First of all, you have to accept the fact that this phase is inevitable. The phase when you guys are not just feeling the relationship and it looks likes there is no more love and it is going to come to an end. Just accept the fact that every relationship goes through this phase and if you leave your partner because of this, it will happen in your next relationship. You would not want to be jumping from one person to another, so when you experience this phase, try to make things better instead of leaving.
You have to cast your mind back to the beginning. Remember the little things about your partner that you love, remember the honeymoon phase and why you even got into the relationship in the first place. Think of why you chose to be with them out of all the other people, the things that they did that touched your heart and made you fall in love with them. How they were the only ones who understood you and saw you differently, how amazing they were, how loving, caring, romantic they were etc. Think of these things and look at them through those eyes. Check old pictures and remember how happy you guys were in the beginning. Remember that the person who was so amazing is still inside of them and you just need to remind them of it. It is when you think about these things that you will realize how crazily in love you guys were and that there is still hope for your relationship and that you guys can get through the difficult times.
When a relationship has lost its spark, it starts with communication (read on the importance of communication in relationships here). You stopped talking to your partner about the little things like how your day went, what happened in the office, something funny that happened on your way from work etc. The conversations do not need to be serious. Just talk over dinner, on the phone, just talk. The way you were unconsciously eager to tell your partner about every little thing that happened to you before, bring it back by being conscious about it.
You do not have to see the need to or see a reason to talk to them. Call them up to check up on them, talk about the little things, the big things, just talk. Even if your partner has stopped telling you everything, they will notice that you are talking as often as you can and it will make them start talking to you too. It may be consciously at first, but with time it will go back to being effortless.
Treat your partner to romantic dates (read on how to act on first dates here). Take them to a nice restaurant, it may not feel like it will have much effect on your relationship but if it is something you guys have not done in a long time, it will help your partner to see things differently for a change. And if you are not financially okay for that, you do not have to spend so much money to have a romantic date with your partner; you could cook, get wine and just do something romantic in the house for them. Imagine your partner coming from work and meeting this unexpected nice gesture, it will definitely touch them especially because of the timing, because things have not been so good between you guys, the gesture will be more appreciated.
Apart from the dates, spend quality time with your partner; find time out of your busy job or school schedule to spend a lot of time with your partner. Spending time with your partner will go a long way because it can help to fill the gap, you guys will realize how different things are now and it will make you guys want to fix things.
When you are worried about the state of your relationship, take the action. If you desperately want your partner to change, how about you also change instead of waiting for them to change. This is what kills many relationships. People will wait for their partners to take the step and change before they change. You do not need to wait for your partner to take the step, you could also take the step and when they notice, they will definitely meet you halfway. It will also show how much you want the relationship. (Overcoming and Getting Over Heartbreaks in a Relationship)
This is like the most difficult aspect. It is really not easy holding on to someone who does not recognize and appreciate your efforts. If after trying all these things and your partner does not acknowledge them or they do not try to change too, do not lose hope, give your partner time to come around. It can be frustrating because you will feel like your efforts are wasted but do not lose hope.
But if after a while it does not look like they are still interested in the relationship, talk to them about it and consider moving on. A relationship is mutual and if the other person does not want to be in it anymore, you have to find a way to let go. You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you as well and not someone that is managing you, so reach a mutual conclusion and move on if need be (Why and How You Should Break up a Relationship).
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