How To Deal with Insecurity In Your Relationship

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The issue of insecurity never gets old. And sometimes you wonder if you are the only one who is insecure. Truth is, behind most people with fantastic wears, great make-ups, expensive suits, shoes and cars, is the problem of insecurity especially in their relationships. At first it always looks like your insecurity is not a big deal that you can manage to deal with it.  If you are insecure, no matter how much your partner loves you, you will nag regularly and suspect them. You will have the feeling that you do not deserve them, that you are never good enough for them and that they will end-up leaving you.

Because of the insecurity and fear of your partner leaving you, you will definitely not give your partner his or her needed space and privacy which is necessary in any relationship. All these have negative effects on a relationship and it is just a matter of time before your partner gets tired of the problems and leaves you. Then you find yourself thinking he or she is bad or heartless, who never loved you, when in actual sense, it was your insecurity that chased them away. No matter the magnitude of people’s love for you, your bad attitudes will one day make them leave you.  Insecurity makes one to be suspicious and snoop (read more about snooping) around unnecessarily.

The following are some of the ways to overcome insecurity in a relationship:

1. Work On Your Self Esteem

People with low self esteem do feel insecure. This is because they feel like they are not worth it and they do not deserve some things, including their partner. One important way to stop being insecure is to work on your self esteem. Have the mindset that you are an amazing person, you deserve your partner and you deserve all the good things they do for you instead of believing otherwise. Another way of feeling insecure is by thinking you are not good looking, you do not have what it takes to be in a relationship or the thoughts  that your partner will see other people who are much better and good looking  and later leaves you for them. Know that if your partner does not like you for who you are, he or she will not get into the relationship with you in the first place. So, deal with these problems, believe you are the most beautiful/handsome out there who deserves the best, and feel good about yourself.

2. Have A Positive Mind Set

People who are insecure always want to find the bad meaning behind every good thing people say or the hidden terrible motives behind every good thing that people do for them. Stop trying to read your partner’s mind and stop trying to read the silent or unsaid meanings behind whatever your partner actions and sayings. But instead, accept the good things and actions given or said to you by your partner without attaching meanings to them. Have a good mind set and believe your partner is doing all that because he or she loves and cares. There is no need to be calculative or playing smart on your partner’s actions.

3. Avoid Comparing Your Ex with Your Present Partner

For some people, their insecurities started the moment they entered their present relationships because of the negative experiences they faced in their past relationship.  They bring in terrible notions into their present, thus allowing the past (read more about living in the past) to define them. It is good never to compare your current partner with your previous ones. Because your ex cheated on you in the past or acted in a bad manner or deceived you does not mean that your current partner will do that. We are all different beings with different behaviours. Your current partner is not the same as your previous partners.  Therefore, there is no guarantee that they will treat you the same way your ex or exes treated you. So, enjoy the ride in your relationship and be happy.

4. Avoid Having Negative Thoughts

People who are insecure always see things in negative ways because they already believe that it is better to assume the worst so that when it finally happens, they will not be caught unaware. This act is bad and dangerous because they will always try to find out the faults and unseen problems in their relationships. When you try to find a problem that do not exist, you unconsciously end-up inventing  one or many problem(s). Stop thinking negatively and stop having the mindset that you have to prepare for the worst. Instead, always try to be positive, see the good in your relationship and in your partner because it is only when you believe that it will work that you put conscious efforts into making it work.  Do not have the habit of finding faults or waking the sleeping dog but instead appreciate your partner. These will make him or her know you notice their efforts and you are as committed to the relationship as they are.

5. Always Trust Your Partner

Trust is an important ingredient in a relationship. Without trust from both partners, it takes little time before such relationship crumbles. Why are you with them in the first place if you cannot trust them? It is better not to be with him or her if you feel that that they are not trustworthy. But most times, it is the problem of insecurity that leads to lack of trust. Some people believe that trusting their partner is giving them the opportunity to be betrayed or hurt by their partner. Lack of trust builds walls between the partners which may even lead to lack of communication or involvement in the false accusations. Trust is the foundation upon which a good relationship is built (read more on having a good relationship).

It obviously takes conscious efforts to get over insecurities because it is already a part of you and you did not start being insecure in one day. Therefore, if you want to stop being insecure, it may take a while to stop but eventually you will stop if you work towards it. When you let go of your insecurities, you begin to see things differently, you begin to see the old people in your life in a different way and it will make you see the good in the new people you meet. It also helps to be a better person because you will see the need to value and appreciate yourself and other people. Getting rid of insecurity enhances a healthy and positive mindset which is very important in living a good life.

Good Luck!

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